Days Like These (A Short Play In Three Acts)

ACT 1

The SCENE: Out past Nairobi's Village Market at a bar called Chicken Palace, NICK, a REPORTER, prepares to meet a source at 2 pm. He gets a PHONE CALL from EDITOR #1 on the foreign desk of an unnamed British newspaper.

EDITOR #1: "Hi, Nick, it's (Ms. X). We were wondering if you could do a story for us in the next couple of hours."

NICK: "Sure. What's the story?"

EDITOR #1: "Did you read The Independent today? Muammar Gaddafi's son got angry when he came to Kenya because he wasn't allowed to go sport hunting in the Maasai Mara."

NICK'S imagined response: "Hold on a sec, there. I've been pitching you genocide in Darfur, chaos in Somalia, deaths in Congo for the last five days, and you want Gaddafi's son throwing a tantrum? I can't say I'm particularly surprised, but fuck!"

NICK: "I didn't see it. Wow."

EDITOR #1: "Can you give us 300 words in the next three hours?"

NICK: "No problem. I'm at a meeting now but I'll be back at my desk in a couple of hours. Will that give you enough time?"

EDITOR #1: "Yeah, that's fine. Thanks, Nick."

(curtain closes)

ACT 2

The SCENE: Still at the Chicken Palace, NICK, the REPORTER, is pacing next to his car waiting for the source. The time is 2:30 pm. The phone rings again. It's another EDITOR on the foreign desk of the same British newspaper.

EDITOR #2: "Hi Nick, it's (Mr. Y). I know that (Ms. X) just called you about the Gaddafi story. We were wondering if you could do another story for us, too.

NICK: "I think so, what do you need?"

EDITOR #2: "Did you see the story on the BBC about how Marlon Jackson from the Jackson 5 is involved in a plan to build a luxury resort and slave memorial in Badagry, Nigeria, where slaves were put on ships and taken to the West?"

NICK: "I didn't see it."

EDITOR #2: "Can you give us 400 words on that?"

NICK'S imagined response: "Are you fucking  joking? You want something on the Jackson 5 building a luxury resort in Nigeria? And didn't you just cut your freelancer rate to $70 per story?"

NICK: "No problem. As I told (Ms. X), I've got a couple other things to take care of and then the Gaddafi story to do, but I should be able to get it to you."

EDITOR #2: "Thanks."

(curtain closes)

ACT 3

The SCENE: At 7 pm, NICK is in his apartment with his 11-month-old CHILD, who insists on repeatedly slamming a corkscrew on the tray of a high chair smeared with crusty avocado and cheese. Until now, Nick has not noticed that the child has somehow managed to get hold of a sharp object and is waving it around furiously. The PHONE rings.

CHILD: "Dug blug blug blah blah bleg!"

Editor #1: "Hi Nick, we got your Gaddafi story. Our legal team decided that we may not be able to use it because the Gaddafis are very litigious and might sue us for saying their son got mad in Kenya. So we were wondering if you could call a family spokesman and confirm it."

Nick's imagined response: "A Gaddafi family fucking spokesman?"

NICK: "Sure."

BABY: "Yow blah blech dee dee dee!"

NICK calls the Libyan ambassador in Kenya, whose mobile phone number he found on the Internet.

HESAHM ALI SHARIF (heard over the phone): ""We told him that hunting is not allowed, you should go to Tanzania for hunting. He accepted everything. Why would he be angry? He respects the law and the government, and he was really happy about Kenya and loved the Maasai Mara."

NICK calls EDITOR #1 to explain.

EDITOR #1: "Thanks. That's OK. I don't think we'll run the story."

Nick hangs up the phone and briefly wonders whether he will be paid for the story if it doesn't run. He tries to feed the baby, who bangs the corkscrew on the tray and slaps the spoon with rice and chicken out of his hand. The phone rings. It is EDITOR #2

EDITOR #2: "Hi Nick, we were wondering when you'd get that story about the luxury slavery resort to us."

BABY: (Sound of wailing)

NICK: "Yeah, I've been researching that and I think there are several inconsistencies that need more investigating. Is there any chance we could hold off until tomorrow so I can make some calls? Also, not that it's your problem, but I'm not sure I'm going to make deadline because I need to put my kid to bed."

BABY: (Sound of wailing)

EDITOR #2: "Well, we really need it today. I see that most of it has already been reported on the Web anyway. How about instead of 400 words, can you give us 300? Does an hour give you enough time?"

Nick's imagined response: (Stunned silence)

NICK: "Um, OK."

(curtain closes)

Comments

[Sam W.]

Easy there Mr. Glamour McFastlane.

[William Deed]

He definitely didn't throw a tantrum.

[nuttycow]

Well? What happened? Did the child get to bed? Was the story written?

Find out next week in another exciting installment of Days Like These!

;)

[mobile phone ringtones]

He definitely didn't throw a tantrum