Nick Wadhams

Identified at last

Well, folks, the saga comes to an end. Thanks to a network of tipsters and friends, I have learned the identity of the owner of the aforementioned Banana Yellow Hummer. Your mystery driver is Charles Emer, chief of the Information & Communications Technology Service at the U.N. office in Nairobi.

I spoke to Charles today by phone. I told him I was a "journalist and blogger" and wanted to chat about his BYH. He agreed, which you gotta respect. On the other hand, he declined my request for a ride in his Hummer. Charles' response: "Would you give a stranger a ride in your car? Come on, man." "But Charles, your car is a Hummer." "Come on, man."

Charles, who is an Australian citizen, tells me he bought his BYH in the U.S. and brought it over when he got his job in Kenya. I asked if it ever got stuck.

"Come on, man," said he. "It can climb anything. It's the ultimate truck." I asked if he was worried about carjackings. "Where are they going to take it? You can't take that car anywhere in the world without people knowing."

According to my new friend Charles, only 11,000 H1s were made and they are no longer available to civilians. They cost around $120,000 in the US. He bought his in 2003.

"It's a nice vehicle. Even in America, when I drive it in New York, it attracts a lot of attention, it's a very big truck. It's very attractive, unique and different."

Then, the kind of question we journalists (bloggers) are (are not) paid to ask: Did he see anything a little funny about driving a BYH with U.N. plates when the U.N. says it kind of wants to save the world and all that stuff?

"I don't see the relevance. I pay for gasoline out of my own pocket. When I get paid, no one tells me how to spend my money. I'm a civilian."

Can't really argue with Charles. And, it must be said, he was an awfully good sport for taking the call.

Anyhow, case closed. On to more important matters. Don't forget to tip your waitress on the way out.

A curious side note: On Saturday, I met a (non-U.N.) guy at his office for an interview. As we wrapped up, he asked if I wanted to grab lunch. I agreed, and he offered to drive. Cool with me. Down to the underground lot we went, he pressed the remote on his keys, and guess which car's lights went blinkety-blink? A SILVER HUMMER H3! I was gobsmacked.

It was my first time in an H3, and I have to say the ride was uncommonly smooth and quiet. The car (sorry, TRUCK) felt snug and pleasant on the inside, while drivers on the outside were obviously steering clear of this monster. The leather interior was pleasant as these things go, and the display had been designed with care. This is a luxury vehicle, no question.

Koooooky.

Gag me with a text message

The 63rd U.N. General Assembly is fast approaching. After covering a few of these, I can honestly say I have never endured anything that compares to the sheer stab-your-tongue-with-golf-tees boredom of being forced to watch world leaders spout absolute nothingness for two weeks.

This year, as in years past, the U.N. has announced a "text message for peace" campaign leading up to the event. Folks around the world are encouraged to send the U.N. text messages calling for peace. Today's Daily Nation even has a story on page two about Kenyans being urged to send peace text messages (for a fee, of course!) The text messages will be presented to leaders at the GA session, and no one will care in the slightest.

Whose idea was this? Why not go drill boreholes for peace, or paint buildings for peace, or, or... build a lathe, for God's sake. Text messages for peace? Ugh.

“Together let us send a powerful signal for peace that will be read, heard and felt around the world,” said U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon.

Felt? What, is Ban's phone on vibrate? Watch it, buster.

Truly Amazing

The World Health Organization has done it again.

A couple of days ago, the WHO sent out a news release announcing that polio had been eradicated in Somalia. Many news organizations wrote stories reporting this fact, giving enormous amounts of free publicity to the WHO. One of them happened to be The Associated Press.*

Unfortunately for AP, the global news wire violated an embargo that barred news organizations from reporting the story until 09:30 GMT on March 25. In an broadside sent to everyone on his media distribution list, WHO News Team Leader Dick Thompson brings down the hammer in classic schoolmarm fashion: Though an AP "investigation" later found the embargo violation to be an accident, "accidents have consequences, both to reporters preparing their own stories and to the embargo system which we value."

Then, AP reaps the whirlwind. News Team Leader Dick Thompson again: "The sanction for AP is the same as it has been for others _ a two week suspension from the distribution list."

Smackdown! AP gives the WHO free publicity and mistakenly releases the story early, thereby giving the WHO a little more free publicity, and the WHO goes all Security Council on its ass. Take that, AP, you... you... you giant news organization that just gave us lots of free publicity! See if we let you give us lots of free publicity ever again!

This isn't the first time. Less than a year ago, the WHO did the same thing to the New York Times. Who does the WHO think it is?

The real question here, aside from the idiocy of embargoes, is whether polio has truly been eradicated in Somalia. After all, polio was eradicated in Somalia once before, in 2002, but came back. And, as the AP story notes, there's not really a whole lot of reliable data in Somalia, so no one really knows if polio has been eradicated (again). Which, of course, just makes News Team Leader Dick Thompson look even more silly. With data like that, you might think he'd take his free publicity and run.

*Disclosure: I was an Associated Press reporter for eight years. Two of those years were spent covering the United Nations and its various agencies full-time (and often giving them free publicity). Stuff like this sometimes made me want to feed 440 squirrels through an industrial-sized woodchipper.

U.N. Memo Madness II

Though calm has returned to Nairobi and not a single expatriate has been harmed during Kenya's political crisis, U.N. headquarters remains closed for safety reasons.

"Instructions still remain that only those who feel safe to report to the office should come to work," says the internal memo.

U.N. Memo Madness

Ah, U.N. memos. They are written with an earnestness and purpose that comes off all wrong when read by regular people.

So it is with this internal memo from U.N. Environment Programme Director Achim Steiner. Kenya's crisis has led U.N. headquarters in Nairobi to close for all but essential staff, defined as those necessary to "maintain a minimum operational capacity."

This is not a big deal in the larger scheme of things, and you can't fault the U.N. for wanting to protect its staff. And it should be said that U.N. agencies are hard at work in the field. The World Food Programme and UNHCR are in Eldoret. But it would seem to send the wrong message that the U.N. headquarters shuts down when Kenya plunges into crisis.

Best quote of the memo: "We must be realistic in terms of what the UN can do under these difficult circumstances and it is imperative that we all help by looking out for and after each other."